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Love Addicts Anonymous

Step 9

Step 9. “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Once you have finished your list of people you have harmed, and are willing to make amends to them (step 8), it is time to do so— unless going to them would reveal information that would devastate them. This step takes time and you can continue to work the rest of the steps while keeping this step on your calendar as a long-term project.

You can make amends in writing or in person. But remember that no one is obligated to accept your apology. If you owe people money, and cannot afford to pay them, then set up a payment plan. Just be sincere and most people will respond in a positive way.

If the person you want to make amends to is unavailable, or dead, make a living amends. This means doing for someone else what you would have done with this person if you had it to do over again. Give money to charity if you cannot repay someone money you owe. If you neglected your children, because of your love addiction, then make a fresh start with your grandchildren. If you hurt friends who are no longer in your life, find new friends and be good to them.

Step 9 is hard work. It takes time. But it feels good and clears away the wreckage of the past. After you have completed this step, it is time to forgive yourself and let go of the past.


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© Love Addicts Anonymous, 2004