9. “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible,
except when to do so would injure them or others.
you have finished your list of people you have harmed, and are
willing to make amends to them (step 8), it is time to do so—
unless going to them would reveal information that would devastate
them. This step takes time and you can continue to work the rest
of the steps while keeping this step on your calendar as a long-term
can make amends in writing or in person. But remember that no
one is obligated to accept your apology. If you owe people money,
and cannot afford to pay them, then set up a payment plan. Just
be sincere and most people will respond in a positive way.
the person you want to make amends to is unavailable, or dead,
make a living amends. This means doing for someone else
what you would have done with this person if you had it to do
over again. Give money to charity if you cannot repay someone
money you owe. If you neglected your children, because of your
love addiction, then make a fresh start with your grandchildren.
If you hurt friends who are no longer in your life, find new friends
and be good to them.
9 is hard work. It takes time. But it feels good and clears away
the wreckage of the past. After you have completed this step,
it is time to forgive yourself and let go of the past.
back to step