Love Addicts: From a place of insecurity and low self-esteem,
CLA’s try desperately to hold on to the people they are
addicted to using codependent behavior. This includes enabling,
rescuing, caretaking, passive-aggressive controlling, and accepting
neglect or abuse.
Addicts: RAs, unlike other love addicts, are no longer in love
with their partners but still cannot let go. Usually, they are
so unhappy that the relationship affects their health, spirit
and emotional well being. Even if their partner batters them,
and they are in danger, they cannot let go. They are afraid of
being alone. They are afraid of change. They do not want to hurt
or abandon their partners. This can be summed up as “I hate
you don’t leave me.”
Love Addicts: NLAs use dominance, seduction and withholding to
control their partners. NLAs appear aloof and unconcerned until
you leave them. Then they panic and use anything at their disposal
to hold on to the relationship—including violence.
Love Addicts: ALAs have a hard time moving forward. They desperately
crave love, but at the same time they are terrified of intimacy.
This combination is agonizing. ALAs also come in different forms,
Bearers are ALAs who obsess about someone who is unavailable.
This can be done without acting out (suffering in silence) or
by pursuing the person they are in love with. Some Torch Bearers
are more addicted than others. This kind of addiction feeds on
fantasies and illusions. It is also known as unrequited love.
are ALAs who destroy relationships when they start to get serious
or at whatever point their fear of intimacy comes up. This can
be anytime—before the first date, after the first date,
after sex, after the subject of commitment comes up—whenever.
Withholders are ALAs who always come on to you when they want
sex or companionship. When they become frightened, or feel unsafe,
they begin withholding companionship, sex, affection—anything
that makes them feel anxious. If they leave the relationship when
they become frightened, they are just Saboteurs. If they keep
repeating the pattern of being available/unavailable, they are
Romance Addicts are ALAs who are addicted to multiple partners.
Romance addicts are often confused with sex addicts. However,
unlike sex addicts, who are trying to avoid bonding altogether,
romance addicts bond with each of their partners—to one
degree or another—even if the romantic liaisons are short-lived
or happening simultaneously. By “romance” I mean sexual
passion and pseudo-emotional intimacy. Please note that while
romance addicts bond with each of their partners to a degree,
their goal (besides getting high off of romance and drama) is
to avoid commitment or bonding on a deeper level with one partner.
Note about ALAs: Not all avoidants are love addicts. If you accept
your fear of intimacy and social situations, and do not get hooked
on unavailable people, or just keep your social circle small and
unthreatening you are not necessarily an ALA. But if you eat your
heart out over some unavailable person year after year, or sabotage
one relationship after another, or have serial romantic affairs,
or only feel close when you are with another avoidant, you may
be an Ambivalent Love Addict.
© Love Addicts Anonymous, 2004
River Source's residential
treatment center in arizona uses an integrative approach and
tailored treatments, which have resulted in the continued success
of patients maintaining their lives in recovery long after they
leave our alcohol and drug rehab center. Our
primary purpose is to recover from love addiction and offer hope
to those who still suffer.